Friday, 7 January 2022

Kindness Payback

Today I got a kindness pay back.

I have just had a hospital appointment for hand therapy, for my fingers that have been curling since my brain surgery. The hand where my control of it is getting worse. That no-one else I've seen on NHS has seemed to think was related to my surgery, or damage after it, despite it happening just a few months after. Where they have had no idea of the cause, the nerve conduction tests coming back normal previously.

I had been feeling really stressed after arriving there, each door I passed having signs saying 'face masks mandatory,  no exemptions' ... so after walking past about the 10th sign - as the therapies clinic is at the back of the hospital, I was feeling like going home. But knew I had right to get medical treatment as much as anyone else. I am medically exempt from a face mask and they cannot discriminate. I have my exemption lanyard attached to my handbag.

I walked in awaiting the 'where's your mask?' And got nothing, not even asked to use the, also supposedly mandatory, hand sanitiser (which I can't use as it makes my hands peel), the receptionist not saying a thing. But I still felt like I had been awaiting a battle and it still wasn't over while I was sitting waiting.

I got called and the therapist didn't question me either, nor looked phased. And I was there almost an hour! 

This time both the therapist I saw, and the other therapist sitting next to her, said its clear you have ulnar nerve damage. If you can't easily think of another cause that you might have damaged it, then yes your brain surgery or the trauma to the tissues after, which could include my posture, is the most likely, or only, cause. 🀐 She explained that the nerve tests aren't always correct as I may have been tested on a good day when it was working fine, as well as damage can take a few years to show on nerve tests. 

So I now have a load of exercises to correct what I can, plus a referral back for more nerve tests. As after all as she pointed out, if the wiring is broken no amount of fixing the appliance will make it work! 

I finally had two people who agreed with me on the cause, have some idea on what needs to be done and I had acknowledgment I'm not just making it up or imaging it. Its only been 5.5 years!  😬😁
I walked out feeling a bit exhausted!

Then, I was in the car park trying to pay for my ticket. It was £5. I had it in change, but one £2 coin was rejected first time,  I tried three 50p coins twice, with no luck, was counting 20p pieces and struggling with my hands being able to grip the coins correctly to put in the last 30p... 
When the man at the ticket machine next to me just zapped the card payment on my machine and said 'Don't worry, I've paid it for you, its sorted' ... and walked off, as I just stuttered "Thank you, thank you so much"

And as the ticket returned, along with the money I put in, 

as had he. πŸ’–

I got in the car and just sat and cried for a few minutes. One, from the relief I have on leaving a hospital OK - which I found stressful long before masks were part of them. Two, as I had finally got confirmation what I knew about my hand being triggered from something during or after my surgery. And three... 

 ...that someone I didn't know had just made it so much better, 

just from being kind. πŸ’–

Its reminded me, that when I am physically and mentally able, this is why I talk to everyone or just smile... 😘

And this is why I spend time on my Facebook group for others with the same brain tumour... 
Getting someone's message on being told they can leave hospital 2 days after brain surgery! πŸ’–
"Thank you for all the support over the years and for this page! It's honestly been such a massive help. Especially as we are all told we make our symptoms up. Xx"

Paying forward  the kindness and love that strangers showed me when I was upset in hospital waiting for my op... 

Someone caring can sometimes make ALL the difference 


And sometimes you get it paid back πŸ’ž





Wednesday, 5 January 2022

Brain Fog, Fatigue and Frustration

When I was in my 20s, the only time I felt exhausted after doing basic daily chores was if I was ill with flu or similar, or struggling with depression that took all my energy out of me. And as that included looking after 3 children under 6 at one point, one at school, one at nursery and a baby - it was pretty damn tiring. But I was back at the supermarket when baby no 3 was just days old with the other 2 in tow. I just kept going and got on with it.

In 2008, while in my early 30s, I got diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I don't know if it was the added stress of a 4th pregnancy and child, trying to look after 4 kids who were always at different schools whilst I had no car during the day- which involved a timetable and a lot of walking, or the fact my anxiety and depression had never been addressed and my childhood and teenage traumas were catching up with me? Whatever the cause, I was often needing a rest, although I still did early mornings for schools, football early at weekends and all the shopping, meals, housework etc as well as helping Dave with our part time work from home business. 
By my late 30s I was struggling more, Dave was by then working from home most of the time and so cooked some of our dinners, but as various health issues appeared, I often felt run down or with a sore throat etc. So, I conserved my energy in only doing one tiring thing a day, changed my diet, took some homeopathy and supplements and I felt things slowly started improving.
For a while at least! Until in 2015 I just couldn't cope and wasn't able to do any extra work for Dave.  Even sitting on the PC doing simple data entry made me tired and stressed. He told me to stop and rest myself. 2016 was when I found out about the Hemangioblastoma in my cerebellum. 

Especially as the neurosurgeon thought my tumour had been there for years, 

if not decades, it might have explained a lot... πŸ€”

Those first few months after surgery were interesting... I was tired after walking to the garden at one point. Had to make sure I got everything I needed before I climbed the stairs. I still remember feeling happy I finally could walk my dog in the park alone after 3 months! In total, it's a 15 minute walk.

I have mentioned the fatigue a few times in the immediate years after, as well as the reality and understanding of what neurofatigue or brain fog actually meant to me here.
Roll on 6 years after I first really noticed I had something major going on with my body (I first saw the Dr's in January 2016, it took until April for a diagnosis) And yes, the fatigue is better and not as frequent, but it certainly hasn't gone either

I have managed to do things such as spend a couple of days landscaping the garden, or moving flowerpots and items around while re-potting plants, painting the lounge walls and redecorating for a week. However, each time I do something more major by the time the second day is ending, I am too tired to even think about cooking, or almost eating at some points. I struggle to find even the simplest words for either someone to help me with something such as help move some shelves, or to explain a task such as the dishwasher needs to go on. I often end up all but crying from tiredness and the frustration of being so exhausted from just doing what many could do easily. I need to go to bed at 9pm and just can't move anywhere. Plus I am certainly tired after, often for several days.

Last week I had a head cold, then my husband a flu type illness these last few days, and although he's not asked me too do much, a mix of me still feeling snotty, him fidgeting at night and so I'm waking up, plus having to more chores as he can't do them, and I'm exhausted again. I've fallen asleep in the day several times, gone to bed in the day as I cant think, even more. 

I have had a few days where my head feels like it's made of cotton wool that's simultaneously being pulled tight around the outside. My scar area aching and even the feeling of 'the wooden plank' down my head and neck comes back. Unable to think what I want to say easily, then saying the wrong words when I do. My vision is awful and my reactions slow and dulled. 

To everyone else this is what you feel like when you've got flu, or been on the piss all weekend (or Christmas!) me it's just when I'm tired. Yes I don't feel like this every day, but frequently enough to say I have fatigue.
Not after doing something extremely draining, not after a really big emotional event... just a small daily task or event that has been a bit tougher than average, often one where you think it shouldn't really cause an issue.
Actually, talking about events, it was our sons wedding in November. It all went brilliantly and I enjoyed the day, albeit I was wanting to sit down alone by 6pm as I felt so tired! I could feel I was starting to say things that were a bit weird and didn't want to explain to every last stranger:

"Oh hey, sorry I'm talking odd, I'm not drunk,

 I just had a brain tumour" 

Sometimes it's easier to just let them think I might have had a few! 😬
I had to leave a bit early at just before 11pm as I could feel it was fully getting too much. But the next day... I went out in the car about 10.30 to get some bread. I could barely think. My head felt like mush, it almost felt like my brain was vibrating from the fact it didn't want to be working yet. I felt a bit wobbly and totally not with it. My vision not working properly even with my glasses on. It was just awful, and all from emotional, rather than physical tiredness. I often think that is far worse.

 If my body is tired, a sleep helps. If my brain is tired, not much helps. 

I rested as much as I could that week, tried to get out in nature and all the things that help, but it still lasted about 10 days before I felt I didn't have brain fog and wanted to cry anymore.

One of the things that gets to me most is when others seem to think its a competition in who's the most tired. Like that's a competition I want to win!!😬 People who say they have insomnia often saying they are tired, but (often) can still get on with things. They can work, still do most things people take for granted. I can't seem to explain that when I'm tired, I need to go to bed and physically rest. I can sleep for 9 hours and still feel exhausted and unable to think.
I can't go out again without a rest, nor walk to the pub, or see a friend, or even do a hobby. I can't even paint if tired, I just spill or drop things everywhere and cannot judge distances or see enough to do what I want to do. I ruin the work I have previously done. I can just about write, as long as its the basics of what I am thinking at that point, something I can edit later when I have more brain power. But I still have to deal with the frustration of making writing legible or correcting each word when I type. If you see me cooking and all the objects going flying you would wonder how I don't hurt myself more often!
If I want to go out late in the evening I need to have at least a 45 minute sleep in the afternoon, although it often takes me another 45 minutes to fully wake up again after! Yet people see me that evening and say I look and seem well, not realising that going out was the only thing I could plan for that day. On the few occasions I have not been able to sleep beforehand, I either really struggle talking or coordinating myself that night, or am just far too tired to do anything or go out the next day. Once the neurofatigue has hit, I can't read a book or plan things, or do a task such as organising the food shopping, well not without doing much of it wrong.
Then there have been some times that I have been physically exhausted, such as after painting the house and I am tired, but feel fine the next day after a sleep. I think it's as I actually enjoy doing that, it doesn't overwhelm me and am not finding anything too emotionally tough. I do know its worse when there is too much visual and audio stimulation or I've been talking to people who I dont know well - those I dont feel I can talk to without judgement from. I can sometimes almost feel my brain going sideways inside me at this point. Its hard to predict, what conversations and events will be good for the soul or simply too much for my brain.

This winter, which has been tough in so many ways, I decided to take up doing a lot of crochet. I am on my second Granny Square blanket. 😊 Making a simple square at a time is not taxing and I don't have to remember a pattern or where I was. I simply make lots and sew them together after. As well as being a useful item, its also relaxing and therapeutic. Anyone want a blanket?! πŸ˜‚ 


Saturday, 1 January 2022

New Year 2022

Don't want to write a 'traditional and polite' but at the moment trite Happy New Year message today, not as I don't wish everyone happiness (as I try my best to do that whatever the damn day is to those that are genuinely kind people -which most are πŸ’–- free hugs are always offered x) but as it just seems bollocks, a complete head up your own arse and oblivious to reality load of shite that I can't comply with.

This year has been awful, worse than having part of your brain scooped out and dealing with the after effects. 2020 and 2021 have made 2016 look like a walk in the fucking park. It was a practice for this shitshow ...  in could I keep going when inside everything was breaking. A practice in trusting and that life is on our side, that good always triumphs evil and our soul contracts are here to evolve us. πŸ’«πŸ’–πŸ’ž

This year I have been destroyed as the strength, resilience and independence I thought both some of my loved ones and most people had, I realised was a crock of shit. They caved at the first or second hurdle, gave into bullies and liars, have defiled their (or even worse their kids) bodies and souls and didn't realise their brain had been manipulated into fear. I have grieved more times than I want to think about, cried to my core about what is happening, fearing for their and humanity's future and wondering where have the rebels, warriors,  black sheep and even those with a bit of spunk left have gone?

I've walked through DIY stores watching big strong men walking around with their face nappy on like good obedient slaves, didn't know whether to laugh or cry at people sitting in their plastic boxes with 'good boy' stickers on in a hospital waiting room, people wearing their muzzles to walk to the loo or move between what they are doing , but then take them off in the same fucking room for whatever activity is acceptable... 

When I just simply said NO. 

Yet, I'm not physically strong, I have massive anxiety at times, PTSD from looking at surgical blue masks, too much trauma than I want to mention, plus have issues where I can't even verbalise the right words- especially when stressed or questioned. But I am NOT compromising my soul. 

Like how the fuck are you existing? Don't you realise you are being laughed at by those orchestrating this farce? Or has the TV washed your brain and the toxins dumbed you down from even being able to think what YOU feel inside? 

It's no worse than when a government wants to change your view that a certain type of person is evil enough that we need to bomb and kill them... but the only evil are the ones telling others to throw the bombs in the name of peace. (Yeah fuck for virginity why don't you too πŸ™„) Since when has fighting solved conflicts? No... that's talking, compromise and listening...realising everyone no matter what their colour, religion or beliefs are tainted by their past. We can only change that through mutual understanding.

Greed rules or the multi billionaires of this world could have stopped global poverty several times over. Don't you wonder who's making money from the vaccines, swabs and masks? How suddenly its fine to pollute the world en mass? Wars are only fought when something worth $$$ can be won. Cancer has more cures than the 'cut, burn or poison' that are the only things legally allowed to be mentioned. Did you know that people have been locked up for curing it? Yes, for curing cancer in people who were  deemed terminal by the NHS and are alive and well... but they were locked up purely as they didn't follow the law ...

Legality is not morality. Never has been.

This world is run by evil, many who admit they are eugenicists. I won't even mention some of the other things I believe happen, but I trust 'truth will out eventually' and just watch several films that are more reality based than you possibly ever realise... 

(and yes this conspiracy theorist has been right many times this year πŸ˜‰ - although I've never wished more that I'd been wrong πŸ˜”)

They even admit they have a government fear unit, designed to keep you in enough fear to comply. Think - why on earth they would want a population in fear, if it wasnt to keep them under control...?


Same reason we have schools... (you know you can home educate and you don't have to 'teach' your child 'the curriculum'?) Schools just teach you to follow the damn rules and you are not a priority, to follow the system until you die. Do you own thing and you are ignored or punished, where even amazing talent doesn't matter if its not on the syllabus. It's certainly not encouraged. Is that what you want for your child?

But...Yes you are a priority!!! A sovereign human that doesn't have to mould to the rules.


You are a soul who deserves much more than this,

 just as we all do.

I don't wish you a Happy New Year... I wish you some fucking balls to say no. 

To start looking and questioning. 

To listen to your own gut, your inner knowing, and your heart. 

To think what effect your actions have on the world and if you are part of humanity staying enslaved? 

Please start to listen with an open heart ❤ I don't hate you for complying,  I just want you to know you no longer have to if it doesn't feel right TO YOU πŸ’« (and if it does, and you enjoy having your life controlled, I wish you well x)

With that we ALL can have a 'Happy New Life' without the evil, greedy, rich, 'philanthropic', twats who own most of the world controlling us.

We can all have peace and a happier life then.
I pray for it anyway... for you and your children πŸ™πŸ’–πŸ’«πŸ’–πŸ™

Love you 😘 from Enzo and I on the sofa x 

Monday, 8 November 2021

Trauma busting...!

Yesterday I had an interesting day. After months of not wanting to go to a venue Dave plays at due to the owner thinking it had been OK to first ridicule me for drinking water, then several months later, to screen shot one of my posts then publicly ridicule me on social media for being a 'conspiracy idiot' (although I will point out, one issue since became trueπŸ™„) Which combined with a bit of trauma from once feeling so wobbly and falling off a stool there, being pushed as I accidentally wobbled into someone, as well as going there with hydrocephalus and on hearing the music feeling my brain would explode... I had not wanted to step foot in that place.

But today Dave was going to a gig there, and I knew he was knackered (after a manic week and 2 gigs already this weekend) so I wanted to go and support him...

Suddenly  I had the realisation 'What am I doing?' , I don't like bullies and I actively stand up against them (bullying is happening everywhere atm and not many are standing up to the abusive and controlling behaviour) so why the hell am just letting another bully get control over me?

So with that I decided to go...

And you know what. 

I conquered my trauma.
I felt in control.
People who know me were kind and supportive.
I had a laugh.

The bully didn't say a word.
Those who had supported her couldn't even look me in the eye.
But I didn't even care. It doesn't matter if people hate me or like me. 
I'm me.
I have nothing to be ashamed about.
I'd done nothing wrong 
I am sovereign and true to myself.

And the people who care will always be there. πŸ’–

Plus I can listen to my husband playing some amazing songsπŸ₯°   


Thursday, 4 March 2021

Medical Cannabis

I posted a link to my blog post  'Scanxiety and Medical Cannabis' on a few other Facebook pages for either brain tumour or traumatic brain injury (TBI) patients last year. I was astonished with the sheer amount of others who openly admitted there that the also used medical cannabis for their brain injury.
Why is it not openly spoken about that cannabis is helping
 brain injury patients?

I actually copied down four A4 pages from just the comments! (excluding any names)

Here are a few of the replies:
"I swear my cannabis has worked wonders for me. I have taken no prescription drugs, only self medicate with smoke. Great for depression, anxiety, pains overall, keeps me on a normal level - but most won't understand a brain injury and just think we are druggies😐"
"Totally agree, I hate taking prescription drugs and not a massive drinker. I’m not ashamed of how it massively helped me. I used a vape version along with more CBD drops for most of before and after my treatment, it helped with my nausea and anxiety! It also helped switch my brain off so I could sleep!"
"I agree! I would recommend the vape pen version!, I’ve tried many edible versions but because they take a few hours to properly get into your system, its hard to judge how much you need, I much prefer my vape pen as its a more instant relief, especially when my anxiety is high or I'm too overwhelmed! I really only micro dose with it as I dont use it to get ‘high’ and I just take 1 or 2 puffs and instantly my head stops being frantic, (A vape also means I can take it out with me and no one is the wiser 🀷🏼)"
"I made sure I spoke with my neuro team quite openly about it and of course they are not at liberty to say to use it but they had no reservations about it!"
"I never used to use it before my ‘terry’ appeared and I made sure I did my research before hand πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»
If speaking out about using it can help someone else with crippling anxiety and PTSD then its totally worth it! Thank you Jo for talking so openly about it!! πŸ’•πŸ’•"
"I use cannabis regularly and while I have no medical proof to share, I am 4 years living with a GBM4 where my prognosis was originally 15 months. I believe there was a big study in Madrid University on the subject, google that for more info."
"I take the CBD form of cannabis. I take no meds for my brain tumour and I do believe that its helps to keep it stable. No shame to taking it as I do believe or works. Irrespective to other think if you feel it does something for you then do it."
"I agree with this, but I would suggest to start slowly... Think 'micro-dose', until you find your level."
"I take CBD and it has kept my tumour stable since starting to take it."
"I use cannabis for the migraines that no pain med can touch. It usually clears it up fast."
"Yes, it's the cure πŸ’š that and magic mushrooms πŸ™πŸ’ it repaired my brain damage from being unable to work or even hold a conversation to applying as a background extra in a Hollywood movie (and I got the part!😍) I would recommend cannabis in any form to anyone πŸ’š"
"I smoke some every night to get out of pain and to sleep. It is a God given miracle herb."
 "Use it nightly. Have been for past 20yrs."
"THC with CBD helps my severe seizures tremendously. Nothing else works as well."
"I use it twice a day and do pretty well...( Sometimes more). It just depends on what your need is. For some people it does not take much at all. For me I have mental health and pain management issues. But I can tell you I have not had a migraine in two years."
"Cannabis is my primary source of medication, and has been for 11 years."
"Edibles are the ONLY thing that helps me sleep."
"I’m in NY and have my medical card.... life saver for pain and sleep."
"My dad is a massive stroke survivor, he gets his to avoid a seizure. It also helps the awful pain he gets in his “bad” side."
"I use it all day everyday. Helps with the all over body pain and with the anxiety I have every day."
"I have had my medical card since 2014. Best thing to happen."
"I used to drink alcohol a lot before my TBI but since I got hurt I dont drink anymore. My doctor's told me to stay away from booze because its not good for brain injury rehabilitation. I do use cannabis medically. I used to use it to just get hi before my TBI but now I use it instead of taking the pharmaceuticals the doctors were trying to get me hooked on."
"There are two types, Sativa and Indica. Both with vastly different outcomes. Before you invest heavily, you will need to try different varieties that are prescribed to you. My mom needs Indica for her stroke injury and husband needs Sativa for his bike accident coma 35 years ago.  I use CBD pain cream for my bad knees, but I work for the state, so THC is a no-go. I love the CBD!"
"I use cannabis daily. My brain injury caused seizures and I'm still trying to stop the seizures and I'm trying to find the best strain for that."
 "I use high THC-V strains, helps with energy and focus."
"I use both CBD and a THC. I use indica for sleep or during a migraine to help me relax. CBD is a life changer....better than any other pain meds I have ever been given.2
"I use it daily. Helps to ground my flighty brain."
"πŸ™‹πŸΌdaily user here.
Yes! high CBD low THC tinctures. 4 drops under the tongue. Highly recommend for settling/silencing body and mind for a full night's sleep. I especially love the fact that I can have a glass of wine with dinner and not worry about interaction if I find I can't get to sleep. Truthfully, it's a game changer."
"Yes, it's the only thing that makes my headaches go away."
"I have honestly, I find it brilliant for when I get really anxious or have bad symptoms, has to be done in moderation though as it can make me feel worse."
"I’m taking capsules best thing even if it’s for a decent sleep xx"
"I swear by it the THC and CBD oils x"
Planted in a raised bed in Ground

This book Medical Cannabis was also really helpful in reassuring me cannabis was safe to try, and I will look at these other books recommended in their further reading - The Cannabis Encyclopedia and The Cannabis Grow Bible, when I need to find more information on growing.

£30 = enough plants to last all year.

        If you are interested in growing your own... 
        Cannabis seeds are available from Seedsman where 
        you can search under various medical conditions 
        and what type of seeds you want. 
       They need to be brought soon if in the UK as to
        grow outside they need to be planted around April.
If you have ever grown vegetable plants and have a vague knowledge of growing, then planting the seeds in a tray on windowsill and moving outside (covered from slugs) when a few inches tall outside worked fine. I grew mine alongside my tomato plant seedlings!
You then need a tall greenhouse for when they move outside (that you may have to raise up even more as they grow TALL) and either very big plant pots or an area in the ground. I used a raised flower bed, filled with tomato compost on top off the garden soil. (as you can see above) Make sure you only fertilize them with edible plant foods, and keep them covered from slugs until they are about a foot tall, then they are pretty resilient. Just make sure you undo the greenhouse cover when your neighbours aren't around!!
Seedsman have plants both with and without THC (the part that makes you high) and CBD, they also have various conditions are listed under 'medical seeds', you can then chose if you want a low or high THC amount.

I personally stopped using just the THC plant after my nightmare episode I wrote about here. Once I stopped taking it (and I didn't ever take enough to make me feel high, except this one disastrous occasion) I also felt my anxiety reduced (although this could have been as I had my scan etc) so I totally stopped taking any THC plant for months. In February I did try adding a small amount in with my high CBD mix, but did not notice any benefits, in fact when I stopped I felt my anxiety reduce again. So I dont think my body tolerates the THC well.

Last year I ordered these Dinamed CBD plus which grew really well, but this year they were not in stock so I am trying Queen CBD 20:1 which suited many of the reasons I chose to take them including Anxiety, Fibromyalgia, PTSD and Stress. I will see how these grow this year!

I know that growing the plants is illegal in the UK, but my GP knows about it and says she could probably get me a medical cannabis prescription, but personally I'd rather use a plant that I have grown than a pharmaceutical type product any day... I know exactly whats in it and trust a plant more than a drug company. 

I am not taking it to get high, and have a far different reason to how many use it. In my eyes if the legal drug - alcohol - is available to all, so should cannabis. I fully believe if enough people start growing their own for medical reasons we can stop the criminalisation and make it a valid treatment for many. You can also chose to buy a CanCard if you want the extra reassurance.  

If all these brain injury patients above recommend it, then it should be available to all - a years supply for the price of 3 seeds, some compost and a greenhouse. 🌱



Tuesday, 9 February 2021

My Letter to the PM, my MP etc...

This is my rather long letter I have written to Mr Johnson, my MP, the NHS CEOs, and local CEOs about Lockdown and the farce we are living in ... basically saying:

"I've had enough - This has got to stop"

If anyone wants to use part of it, please do so, but PLEASE remove all details that relate to me -  re masks, lockdown etc - and add things relevant to you and your family. Plus also you will need to change MP, council CEOs etc. x 


Dear Mr Johnson.

Re: Covid 19 Pandemic Restrictions – Nuremberg Code

I look to you as someone who represents me as Prime Minister, a Public Servant and Member of Parliament in the current Government.

I am writing to you as a genuinely concerned UK British Citizen and for we the People of Great Britain, of the actions that this UK Government has been taking since the announcement of the COVID-19 Pandemic in March 2020.

There is a rapidly growing awareness by the public that lockdowns have little to nothing to do with a virus, but more to do with destroying small businesses and breaking the spirit of the British people by increasing compliance and control and collapsing our once free society into the hands of an unelected power. This is also blatantly evident by the heavily biased and one-sided reporting in the media and heavy-handed tactics now being employed by the police.

We demand Action, as a servant to us.

We demand Honesty, as a servant to us.

We demand an immediate cessation of the Trials of the Experimental Genetic Engineering Injection Programme.

We demand scientific proof of everything that has unfolded over the past year.

We demand immediate cessation of the flawed PCR tests and closing of these testing centres.

We also demand reparation for the damage caused to small businesses and livelihoods as a result of the lockdowns and everything that has gone on including all medical injury, all deaths and all damages which have been created by this Government and all of the official agencies who have gone along with it. Simply ‘Following Orders’ is not an excuse!

We also demand the immediate reinstatement of Doctors, nurses, health staff and scientists who have lost their jobs as a result of their whistleblowing of the true facts or at the very least put in place plans of compensation for such loss.

We also demand that you take questions from and listen to a wider spectrum of opposing expert views of those who are much more qualified than You or I, rather than restrict public voices to only those who quite possibly hold ‘Conflicts of Interest’ and therefore could be hindered in making objective decisions for the good of everyone.

I am holding you personally culpable and liable along with your team of advisors and supporters of the current restrictions and along with any future restrictive and oppressive plans in place as I passionately believe that the actions of this Government are in breach of the Nuremberg Code, as those being enticed to take part in the Experimental Genetic Engineering Programme are not being formally informed of the fact that this is experimental and of the possible risks and side effects, including death. To inform formally and fully, each and every person correctly and answer any of their concerns including ascertaining whether they then consent, should take at least 10 minutes per person. Yet I have been informed the target for the vaccines on the NHS is one every 3 minutes, which cannot give enough time for informed consent.

We demand that no business, be it a health care provider, airline or plumber require or coerce their staff be vaccinated, and the government need to make it known now that this is unacceptable in a free society as its breaching the Nuremberg Code.

We demand the immediate cessation of the current lockdown, any tier system or similar.

We demand the opening of ALL businesses forthwith.

We demand the immediate cessation of the mandatory need to wear masks. (And that any business or person demanding them be liable to pay damages to those being attacked or refused service)

We demand the immediate cessation to social distancing.

We demand the immediate cessation to ‘bubbles’ or rules to limit people we can see.

We demand the cessation of all travel restrictions including the planned hotel isolation on arrival into the UK.

The current actions that this Government has been taking, rather than saving lives, are in fact contributing to increased deaths far more than this virus could ever do, as health treatments and medical operations are put on hold or cancelled, domestic abuse and suicides have and are increasing. Depression, anxiety, and other mental health disorders are at an all-time high. It is time to stop this mantra ‘Stay Home, Save Lives’ as this is actually the opposite of what is happening.

I do believe that I am not alone and speak for several million people who feel that they do not have a voice or do not know how to respond against the decisions that the Government has been making for nearly 11 months.

Many eminent lawyers in the UK, Europe and the USA are already in the process of preparing legal cases considering the charges of Fraud and Genocide amongst others, against not only Governments, but also leading figures in those Governments and official Agencies which may well result in Nuremberg Trials of the 21st Century. I repeat again ‘Following Orders’ is no justification in Law.

The lockdown has severely impacted my family. Only one out of the 3 adults who worked previously have been paid furlough. Those that were self-employed have massively had their income reduced and the various benefit agencies are not helping or supporting us more than our previous tax credits help. (even though our income is drastically reduced) We are unable to keep or get new customers due to the restrictions, nor work in public as we were able to do so previously - so the lockdown is stopping us being able to earn a living. This is extremely concerning for us all and makes things very tough as everything is so uncertain. It is made worse when you are led to believe it will just be for another week/month more.

We have barely been able to go anywhere to ‘unwind’ and with a small house it has basically meant either I, or my adult kids have spent days all but stuck in our bedrooms. This is not acceptable for anyone’s mental or physical health for months on end. I think all of us suffered with anxiety and depression from the lockdown (not from the virus) and at times have felt suicidal.

It has ruined our private life as we are unable to meet with friends and get support, go out to an indoors venue and sit down (we cannot afford to pay for a meal, even when restaurants have been open) – I believe this is also causing us inhuman treatment.

In the summer, my daughter took walks by the river and was actively moved off the riverbank pathway by Police when she was walking alone, hardly helping her find some tranquillity in nature and to get away for a short while.

Pre lockdown I was seeking support from neuropsychology at hospital after having brain surgery, this has been stopped and I have no idea when I will be able to seek further support or even the assessment they offered. I was told by them I probably have PTSD and much of this is massively accentuated due to the world wearing ‘medical’ facemasks – I literally cannot look at people when out now and it has caused me immense distress when I do, which has meant I have not left the house (except for walks outside) for more than a handful of times since March.

I find it extremely hard to go into shops due to everyone asking, ‘where is my mask’ and glaring at me, even though I have an exemption card. I have been physically shaking several times, including after being initially refused an optician’s appointment until I reminded them it was against the law to refuse me treatment if I was exempt from wearing a mask.

This whole lockdown experience has caused me massive amounts of PTSD triggers, anxiety, and depression.

It also took me over 11 weeks to get a hospital appointment after my GP said back in October, I should be seen within 2 weeks. Thankfully, all was ok, but it could have been a quite different story with this complete lack of care if there had been a health issue and an appointment taking this length of time is not acceptable. I also was not allowed to have anyone with me at the appointments, which again makes the experience terrifying and triggering PTSD of when I am alone and fearing bad news.

Even the local outside gym at the park has been chained up for most of lockdown, which has affected my physical health too as I had been using it most days to recover from my surgery and chronic fatigue. I am now once again physically struggling from being unable to use it for most of the year.

Elmbridge Council have emailed me that “Playgrounds are primarily open for use by children who do not have access to private outdoor space, like their own garden” and “UK Government COVID -19 regulations state that exercise is allowed and includes but is not limited to running, cycling, walking. Personal training can continue if participants are from the same household or support bubble. It can also continue if it is one-on-one, although this should only take place in a public outdoor place.”

So please tell me what the difference is between the many people bringing exercise benches and weights ‘outside the gym area’ to using them inside the fence? Surely a simple notice to say to use at a 2m distance would still mean those of us that cannot afford personal trainers, nor have the space to use machines or weights at home can do more than just walk? If children are able to use the playground, why not adults the outside gym?

Please can you give me the studies to show you can contact covid from an outdoors environment with people who are well enough to exercise and are over 2m away from you? Personally, I believe I have more chance of being ill and damaging my health by these facilities not being open or crossing the road to get there.

My home educated son has also had ALL his out of the house activities cancelled as either the venue or group leader’s regulatory body has deemed it not safe. This is affecting both his education and physical health - and is not acceptable.

I also believe that censoring online is against our human rights, we have the free will to say what we believe, and yet most social media platforms are censoring our opinion or shared articles as ‘false news’, even if we are just questioning the narrative (not for inciting hate or violence in any way) this is totally against free speech and the Government should stop social media platforms from allowing this now if we do in fact live in a free society.

The media and government have also done nothing much more than brand us ‘granny killers’ for daring to do anything other than be stuck indoors 24/7, this is an abusive controlling relationship where we get psychologically attacked and encouraged to have Munchausen's by Proxy in saying that we are all ill and able to infect others even when well! (even though asymptomatic spreading has been deemed as VERY RARE by the W.H.O.)

The latest Labour party adverts saying they want everyone vaccinated should also be banned. They have no right to suggest what anyone does with their health, much less for a genetically modified treatment with no long-term safety studies which is still in trial. One that many scientists and doctors are extremely concerned about.

I also do not believe the Pfizer vaccine acts like a more traditional vaccine as it instead targets the DNA and so it should not be advertised as such. Calling it a vaccine is misleading people and so is even more likely they are not able to give ‘informed consent.’

This is also the same for any covid passports or restrictions. No one should be made, or encouraged, to have any treatment or vaccine against their free will for fear of losing their job or getting benefits etc.

The PCR test (that has also been proven useless in court in other countries) should also be stopped being used for asymptomatic people. This is just misleading and scaring the public into the huge rise in ‘cases’ when in fact many could have a more usual coronavirus – eg a cold. We should ONLY be monitoring people ill or dying FROM covid, not those within 28 days of a positive test (who could die of something else). I believe this misleading of figures is against our human rights.

Or surely, by this same logic, anyone who dies within 28 days of a covid vaccine should also be reported as a vaccine death and therefore their family entitled to compensation?

Many people are now terrified by the fear caused by our government. Surely, you should know that fear destroys the immune system as much as any virus can do? That the nocebo effect can kill. How many of our excess deaths (bearing in mind over 30,000 have been proven to have been from lockdown stopping medical treatment) are from terrified people, alone in hospital with no family to support them and told they have ‘a deadly virus’?

We should be encouraging a healthy lifestyle, taking supplements, and cutting back on immunity reducing fast foods, smoking, alcohol, and allowing people to exercise etc. People should be able to decide for themselves whether they want to shield and risk a virus or continue their lives. Only those that are actively sick with an infection to be isolated.

I am also sending similar letters to the The Health Secretary Matt Hancock, Chief Executive of National Health Service Sir Simon Stevens, Chief Operating Officer National Health Service Amanda Pritchard and Medicines and Healthcare Products Regulatory Agency Dr June Raine CBE, as well as my local MP Dominic Raab, Rob Moran the CEO of Elmbridge Borough Council, Joanna Killian CEO of Surrey CC and David Munro the Police and Crime Commissioner for Surrey.

I look forward to your early response.

Yours sincerely,

Jo Barlow


 These are the people I have sent letters, or emails that apply to me:

Boris Johnson
Prime Minister's Office,
10 Downing Street

Matt Hancock
Secretary of State, Department of Health and Social Care
39 Victoria Street

Sir Simon Stevens
Chief Executive - National Health Service
Skipton House
80 London Road
SE61 6LH - FAO Sir Simon Stevens

Amanda Pritchard
Chief Operating Officer - National Health Service
Skipton House
80 London Road
SE61 6LH – FAO Amanda Pritchard

Dr June Raine CBE
Medicines and Healthcare Products Regulatory Agency
10 South Colonnade
Canary Wharf
E14 4PU - FAO June Raine

Dominic Raab
House of Commons,

Rob Moran,
Chief Executive, Elmbridge Borough Council
Civic Centre,
High Street,
Esher, Surrey
KT10 9SD
(There is a ‘formal complaint’ option on contact me form at – FAO Rob Moran)

Joanna Killian
Chief Executive, Surrey CC
County Hall
Penrhyn Road
Kingston upon Thames
KT1 2DN – FAO Joanna Killian

David Munro
Police and Crime Commissioner of Surrey.
PO Box 412