Wednesday 20 December 2017

Alcohol wishes…

Right that’s it. 

I am going to start drinking alcohol again. 
I know I haven’t drunk for 25 years, but I am fed up for being the only one sober all the time. 
I have stopped feeling confident about myself.
I need to take loads of selfies to prove my happiness and worth to myself. 
I feel I need to drink again to be socially accepted and society makes it so unsociable being teetotal, I feel an outcast! 
I miss the feeling of being slightly out of it, something taking me out of my body and having control over me. 
I want to gather with friends to drink, so I can forget about how insane and unpleasant my life and the world is. 
Just feeling a little pissed…

I want to go to gigs and talk about something so that the other person does not understand half of what I am saying and the other half wishing they couldn’t. 
I want to act inappropriate. 
I want to drool over young men and embarrass them and myself. 
To play with other men’s long hair in the way other drunken women do to my husband- after all surely they will like me caressing them? 
I want to heckle the band, and keep shouting at them the song I want to hear - as, like everyone else, I know if I scream loud enough they will be able to somehow play it without ever rehearsing it.

I want to forget much of my life – to take that chemically lobotomizing alcohol again. 
My life is crappy enough so I might as well be broke and hung over because I’m too scared to deal with it. 
Although being hung over is nowhere near as bad as having a brain tumour- and I dealt with that fine. The house will look after itself, as will the family, while I am slightly sedated and dysfunctional.

I feel I need alcohol to help spice up my empty life and make the boring gigs tolerable and wine o’clock the day away.
I am happy that my soul can die a slow death trying to fit into the herd. 
I’m fed up with not fitting in. 
Alcohol is an acceptable way to fit in. 
I am happy if my kids copy my behaviour- after all I am only showing them how to have a good time! 
I want to lose the responsibility for always having to drive everyone else home- others can stay sober and drive me for a change.

I miss that feeling of not quite remembering what happened the night before. 
If I said or did anything I would regret or if I gave my phone number to the nice looking guy at the bar… or went home with him…

I will also be able to stop worrying about what else I shouldn’t do- I am also going to eat those great snacks at the pub so I fit in.  
It will be great to put on a few pounds – so I can have conversations about how to lose my weight with other women. 
I need to fit in with the masses and long to diet.

The Chief Medical Officers’in UK say I can drink 14 units of alcohol a week safely, so I believe them, and that this amount won’t increase my risk of cancer or any diseases. 
I’m sure a few extra glasses over this won’t hurt, as after all they will be overly cautious in the advice. 
I know they would say if there were any risks to drinking. 
After all I believe all the government tells me.

I am more than happy to spend £30- £50 a night to enjoy myself and forget my worries for a while. 
I might get a job just to pay for it. 
After all, I am not the only one who works to fit into the system…

And finally, if I wobble, people might just think I’ve had a brain tumour instead, and not that I am too pissed to walk straight…

Jo looking drunk

 …& just in case you were not sure, or don’t know me…I am only joking  đź’•! 

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