A Small Sacrifice

Today was the first time in years, ages before feeling unbalanced or having brain surgery, where I had to sign for a purchase where the signature on my card needed to match. (The card machine hadn’t worked properly so I couldn’t enter my pin number)

I failed.

The cashier looked at me and said the signatures look different and so took my card and just completed signature to her supervisor to check. When they came back over I showed the supervisor another card and told them I had brain surgery and my coordination loses it sometimes. The supervisor said the other card’s signature looked OK to what I had just signed and left.

I know I still can’t coordinate properly, I guess having a freeze in the middle of signing my name sums this up perfectly, but I also know I am totally grateful I am able to go alone to a store and buy the items I need without any fuss. I actually didn’t feel upset.

I all but wanted to show her my scar and photos and tell her exactly how a wobbly signature was justified and how proud I am. That she didn’t know anything up until I told her.

I keep thinking that maybe I should be upset? The tumour has changed me, yes it’s made me rethink plans I had with art work that I want to do. But it’s not like I made a living out of it, if I have to I will just paint in a more abstract style and accept and abandon the fact that I can no longer copy a detailed drawing well.

Today it seems a small sacrifice.