“What have I lost?” Someone asked me these words a few days ago and I have been mulling it over in my head without really coming to an answer. So tonight I am asking my soul the question with automatic writing. This is the answer…
What have I lost? … And what have I gained?
I have lost: much Anxiety, some Panic, caring what others Opinions are, Worry, Hate, Fear, caring about being Accepted.
I have gained: Peace Inside, Inner Knowing, Trust, Patience, Love, Joy, Living in the Moment, Being ‘Me’.
And this is worth SO much more than struggling with words sometimes, the exhaustion, a numb head, a stuff neck, odd head pains, being a bit wobbly and having a muddled brain!
I am 44, but I accept me more than I ever did before.
I appreciate my life re-
started almost two years ago.
I was given another chance.
I have more freedom than many can imagine.
I see things I never saw before.
I feel things I never felt before.
I know things just by really ‘looking’ at the situation.
I don’t see ‘bad’ -
just weakness, imperfection, fear, sadness, rejection -
often all being covered up with various actions, addictions, avoidance,
anger and blame. Just as people don't want to address their own self.
They try and avoid the pain by hurting themselves in doing anything they can to not face it -
rather than really admit the problem and listen to their true core.
This planet is full of unhappy people, fooled in to doing what is ‘acceptable’ or ‘right’ and not what they truly desire.
They cannot see the lies being fed to them from all angles, so they blame and hate, feel weak, inadequate and fearful, believing their happiness lies in another holiday, the latest gadget, car, pay rise, new spouse, new house etc -
when all the time it is laying hidden inside them waiting patiently to be heard, listened to… until one day it screams at them. Demanding action and addressing.
Even then, many refuse to take notice, they still do anything to avoid really listening to the pain. The pain of their body being ignored and silenced.
They have to act tough, bottle it up -
anything to avoid it.
So they take a pill, swig a bottle and act like all is normal.
But it can never really work, unless they hit that rock bottom, where there is no where to go but listen to yourself. Feel every last drop of pain, every last ounce of fear, anger, hate, rage, jealousy and ‘normality’. Until they are buried under tears.
Then the tears turn into acceptance, and slowly into joy, love and peace -
and an inner knowing that no one can knock you off your track.
Then you have power more than your know and you realise you haven’t lost anything, but have gained the world.