Tuesday 26 September 2017

Dedication to my Tumour

Today I had 2 notifications on Facebook that I looked at one after the other. The first said:
"I fucking hate brain tumours and everything associated with them." 

The second post was a quote from Sargent Johnny Joey Jones (http://johnnyjoeyjones.com) with a picture clearly showing him with artificial legs from above the knees, saying:

"People ask how I stay so positive after losing my legs… I simply ask how they stay so negative with theirs."

These two sayings are just it… the difference is us. How we deal with our situations we find ourselves in. I really do understand that one of the hardest things is to love ourselves- with ALL our faults and problems, but I only really understood what he meant by this quote after having my brain tumour.

Saying you hate brain tumours and everything associated with them, especially when you either still have one, or have had one surgically removed seems to me so very wrong. You are hating a part of you - what you are now, and with that you will always have pain. It feels the hate will always keep you having and focusing on symptoms from your "fucking brain tumour."

I learnt so many positive lessons from my brain tumour. It caused me to digest and really absorb all the self-love books I had previously read, understood, but not properly digested and were not part of me. The guidance in them just suddenly was in me, part of me. I got it.

You need to love you, to be able to totally unashamedly look into the mirror and be happy and grateful with all you have.

I am so thankful every day that I can do what I can do and although, yes I do get a little annoyed or frustrated at times with what I have lost. (and occasionally angry when trying do to something in a rush!) Most of the time I try to accept or improve things I need to do from a state of loving myself rather than hating myself for what I cannot now do.

As Anita Moorjani says very clearly in her books:
"You need to do all from a place of love- and that way miracles and healing can occur."

My brain tumour taught me:

That people I know care so much more than I realised.

As do people I didn't even know… Dr's and nurses who literally are there to help heal you.
Strangers who pray for you and send healing.

That our bodies are amazing- they can heal from so much. I mean - shit - I had my skull opened up, my brain fiddled with, but my body has healed itself. Yes the surgeons stapled me up, but my body healed and removed the swelling etc innately.

That we have an inbuilt strength, love and healing power.

That being 'you' and loving you, is the best you can do for yourself and your family

Happiness is a state not a place and you certainly can't buy it!

To listen to myself. (and action it)

Or as I put in my book dedication to my tumour:

"You almost killed me, but you saved me too." 



Anita Moorjani - Dying to be Me                    I Heart Me - David Hamilton                 Life Loves You - Louise Hay, Robert Holden

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