Each time I move I can feel the skin tugging, and sometimes I can feel it even when I am still.
It was only recently when I stood behind a bald man tapping his head to the music at a gig that I realised just how much the skin and muscles on our heads move. As he moved his head I was watching how the various muscles and the back of the head and neck responded, and that often there was a ridge of muscles showing - no wonder my neck struggles at times with so much muscle wasted and much of one side of my head having been cut open.
Even if the surgeons did a perfect job, there will be scar tissue from cutting into it and the muscles, as well as the fact that as I cannot feel much of my head I probably now move and use it differently?
I have also had the 'I cant wake up yet' exhaustion. Even after 9, or more, hours sleep I just cannot open my eyes easily and have to force myself to look at something to keep me awake. Although I have recently been doing more chores than I had been, so I guess a energy backlash is expected.
I have to keep focusing on the fact that I am now generally able to do more each day than at any time since several months before surgery, so about three years in total - in itself a positive.
Plus ... my dog has been sniffing my neck again recently. 😟 I know this shouldn't concern me, but he sniffed it loads before I knew I had a tumour and then stopped once it was removed (see here) ... so it does concern me, maybe more than logic wants to admit.
I think he knows I am tired and aching and is just 'checking up on me'. Who knows? But I cannot imagine the comments if I ask to get my head checked again as the dog is concerned!! 😂
Tim Jones would finally think I have cracked - not that he thought I was far away before. 😜
For now I am watching him and trying not to get concerned as he doesn't look stressed in general (although he did have a few days when he looked upset- but it is firework season) and his skin is OK.
I am also glad I treated myself to some Reiki this week. An hour of bliss in an otherwise stressful achy tired week. It feels like my neck muscle has been slowly relaxing since.
Maybe I just need to do some art and forget about all else? But I know it isn't going to happen, as I'm far too tired for even basic daily chores. So I just have to keep on doing the best I can and hope I get some better days again soon.
There is one advantage of hitting the bottom, in that you know
you come back up again.